Viewpoints

It’s now 1:11 AM. In my life there have been countless moments like this, all consisting of “1”s. The most infuriating is undoubtedly pulling out my phone and seeing “11:11.” It’s purely coincidental, yet makes one feel ashamed. Two or three years ago this feeling was minimal, but over the past year it’s grown stronger. Many people I’ve met, in various vague and invisible ways, exert influence, making me understand that the wild goose’s wings are already full. Whether willing or not, it must fly south. However, liking someone with a mindset of washing away blood shame, or relying on someone purely out of physiological need—this kind of “love” makes one doubtful. Last month my roommate asked to borrow money from me to pay rent. Seeing that his life had deteriorated to the point where he couldn’t afford basic necessities, I lent it to him. Yesterday I was also penniless, so I asked him to repay the money. I thought after receiving last month’s salary he’d be better off, but unexpectedly he hadn’t even paid last month’s rent, let alone had money to repay the debt. I was speechless, as if seeing my money become his prostitution money. Before he had a girlfriend, he could pull out several thousand yuan anytime. Now after working for several months, he’s actually in debt up to his ears. Love also has great and small distinctions. I only feel regret and a trace of schadenfreude about the messy things between them. A girl said she had been dating her boyfriend for over half a year and never used a single cent of his money. Her approach made me respect her very much. Love is a matter between two people—rights and obligations are equal on both sides. Only seeking to give without seeking return is an idiot. Blindly taking without knowing how to repay is scum.